Los Angeles Divorce and Family Law Attorneys: The Blog

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Why Divorce Attorneys Charge for Initial Consultations

I charge for initial consultations. For an hour of my time, meeting with a new client, my rate is between $350 - $500. Why? Well, I don't give free advice. But this article below summarizes another major reason lawyers don't give free consults - we don't enjoy being "conflicted out" for free. For example, if I meet with wife and she discloses private info, I will not be able to represent husband. Thus, if wife goes around tinseltown, meeting every single lawyer - husband will not be able to obtain representation. See below article.

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How "Conflicting Out" Top Divorce Attorneys Can Impact Your Divorce


LOS ANGELES, CA - APRIL 28: Model Heidi Klum a...

Heidi Klum & Seal: Getty Images via @daylife

I am not in favor of dirty tricks during divorce. However, pretending they never happen doesn’t do anyone any good, either.

Divorcing women need to understand the full range of tactics some husbands use, and they need to be proactive –not reactive –as they work to secure the best possible divorce settlement. To that end, if you are contemplating divorce, you need to know about a tactic I see quite often in financially complex divorce cases:

“Conflicting out” all the top divorce lawyers

By “conflicting out” certain attorneys, your husband can make it difficult for you to hire the lawyer that’s best for you. Here’s how it works: He makes appointments with all the top lawyers in your area. Then, he meets with each one –but only for a short time. All he needs to do during those meeting is share enough information to create an attorney-client relationship. Once he does, that particular attorney will be prohibited from representing you.

Of course, your husband doesn’t actually have to hire any of these attorneys. The entire goal with this tactic is to “conflict out” attorneys so they cannot be hired by you.

Celebrities frequently use this strategy –and men aren’t the only ones that do. In fact, Heidi Klum made headlines earlier this year for divorce attorney “shopping” in Los Angeles. Of course, Heidi simply may have been interviewing divorce attorneys to find the most qualified and the one she would be most comfortable with – a perfectly legitimate endeavor.

The lesson here is simple. Don’t procrastinate when hiring a divorce attorney. If you do, you could miss out on the opportunity to retain a great lawyer!

What are some other tactics used by husbands during a divorce?

Don’t get me wrong. Not all divorces are bitter battles. Some are relatively amicable, and the vast majority are settled outside the courts. However, atBedrock Divorce Advisors we’ve seen quite a few underhanded financial and legal tactics employed by husbands or their divorce teams.

Many husbands will also:

Stall and delay. By repeatedly rescheduling court hearings and/or filing excessive motions and requests for evidence, a husband can drive up his wife’s legal costs and stretch out the time during which she must cover living expenses. In these cases, the husband is hoping she’ll run out of money and be forced to agree to his settlement offer, which is often extremely unfavorable to her.

Exert pressure to proceed too quickly. A husband who wants his wife to agree to a “quick” settlement may have something to hide. For instance, very early in the process, the husband’s attorney may send over a settlement proposal for the wife to review and counter. Usually, this means the husband just wants to get the divorce over and done with quickly, and he wants his wife to settle for what appears to be a reasonable offer. The problem, of course, is that in many cases, she has not received all the discovery documents requested, so she doesn’t have complete knowledge about key financial matters, such as marital assets, income sources, expenses, what they owe and what’s owed them.

Rushing to get a settlement is especially sneaky if the husband has been busy hiding assets and/or income and now he is trying to get her to agree to a 50-50 split of only a portion of their total assets!

Deny access to financial resources. Unfortunately, many married women do not take a hands-on approach to the family finances. During a divorce, a husband can use her lack of knowledge to his advantage. He can ensure that only he can access family funds, cut off his wife’s credit cards, move funds out of family accounts, etc. Actions like these can leave his wife without the money necessary to buy groceries, much less hire the right divorce team to represent her…while he hires an excellent team to represent him.

This is especially problematic for abused women who live in constant fear of harm—to themselves and/or their children.

Hide assets. As I have discussed at length in earlier blog posts (see 21 Signs That Your Husband May Be Hiding Marital Assets During Your Divorce andDivorcing Women: Here’s Where Husbands Typically Hide Assets), hiding assets during a divorce is sneaky, unethical and illegal –but it happens much more frequently than most women expect.

Fail to pay court-ordered support or refuse to relinquish assets.Husbands who don’t follow court orders are breaking the law –and they force their wives to try to extract the promised payments at considerable legal cost long after the divorce is over. What’s more, all this financial and legal wrangling is terribly time-consuming. Some women have to take time off from work to deal with these issues, and that can put their jobs in jeopardy. Sadly, many family courts do a poor job enforcing such orders, even when a woman follows its requirements to the letter, and even for a well-meaning judge, deception on the part of an ex-husband can be difficult to decipher or prove.

Because there are so many different dirty tricks, I recommend that women maintain their own emergency fund in a separate bank account, even if divorce has never entered their minds. If you are contemplating divorce, make sure you start organizing your personal finances and important documentsunder the guidance of a qualified divorce financial strategist. During the divorce, you’ll need to Think Financially, Not Emotionally® so you can keep your finances intact while planning for a secure financial future.

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All articles/blog posts are for informational purposes only, and do not constitute legal advice. If you require legal advice, retain a lawyer licensed in your jurisdiction. The opinions expressed are solely those of the author, who is not an attorney.

Follow Jeffrey A. Landers on Twitter:http://www.twitter.com/Bedrock_Divorce

Monday, March 12, 2012

Impact of Divorce on Children's Behavior Problems


CONTACT: Allen Li, Associate Director of the Population Research Center at the RAND Corporation; jli@rand.org; 310.393.0411 x 6694

This paper summarizes the argument and findings of a longer and more technical paper that won the 2007 Graduate Student Paper Award in Social Demography from the Section on Population of the American Sociological Association.

Many research studies have shown that, on average, children of divorce have more behavior problems than children growing up in two-parent families. But the question for social scientists is whether the problems seen in the children of divorced parents were caused by the divorce, or whether something else caused BOTH the divorce and the children's problems.

Researchers wonder, in particular, whether some couples have personal characteristics and/or parenting patterns that increase the chance that their children will have behavior problems AND ALSO increase the chance that the couple will be unable to resolve marital issues. If this "something else" causes both divorce and behavior problems, then it is likely that that children would still have had problems even if their parents had somehow managed to remain married.

How do we look for that "something else"? We know that it is a mistake to compare children of divorced parents with children of continuously-married parents without taking into account differences between divorcing families and continuously married families PRIOR to the marital disruption. Parents who are more likely to divorce may also be more likely to be impoverished, to live in disadvantaged neighborhoods, to be less educated, to have been raised in divorced families themselves, or to have more children than average. These factors may impair a child's well-being whether the parents stay together or not, but also be more likely to produce a marital disruption.

To test the effect of pre-existing family characteristics versus the effect of divorce itself, prior studies have used statistical analysis to "control" for the differences we can see between divorced and continuously-married families prior to the disruption. This is done by taking into account the socioeconomic status of the parents, their race or ethnicity, and other "variables" that can be determined by having respondents fill out a paper or computerized questionnaire. Some studies also take into account prior differences in child well-being between the two types of families prior to the disruption. The old consensus is that taking these pre-existing factors into account helps explain some of the association between parental divorce and children's behavior problems - but not all. It reduces the average difference between the two groups but still leaves some average deficits for children of divorce, deficits that are not explained by controlling for these observed differences.

But what about the unique characteristics of each family that we do not as yet have the tools to measure? Things such as personality, parenting strategies, and detailed aspects of a person's biography all affect children, but researchers haven't been able to measure many of these constructs, far less to include them in large-scale studies. Therefore many studies end up comparing apples and oranges. The proper test of the impact of divorce on children is not to compare the children of divorced parents to the children of continuously-married families, and thus risk ignoring all the unobservable factors that may lead both to greater behavioral problems and to higher chances of divorce. It works better to compare the behavior problems of the same child before and after divorce. So, traditional methods often do not adequately estimate the impact on children of being in a family that is headed for divorce.

Several recent studies, including one of my own, which use more advanced and sophisticated research methods, present a powerful challenge to the old consensus that the average impact of divorce on children is negative. These studies are able to eliminate the impact of both "observable" and "unobservable" family differences that result in variations in child outcome, independent of divorce, and this provides a more accurate estimate of the "true" impact of divorce.

All these new studies have discovered the same thing: The average impact of divorce in society at large is to neither increase nor decrease the behavior problems of children. These studies suggest that divorce, in and of itself, is not the cause of the elevated behavior problems we see in children of divorce. They include Aughinbaugh, Pierret, and Rothstein (2005), Foster and Kalil (2007), and Li (2007).

My study

While previous studies have compared the outcomes of children whose parents divorced to those of children whose parents remained together, I use a longitudinal study that measures changes in the behavior of children whose parents were not divorced at the beginning of the study but who divorced later. This allows me to investigate the counterfactual question, "What would have happened to the children's behavior if their parents had remained married?" For an example of how this method works, and why other methods tend to over-estimate the impact of divorce on children's behavior problems, see the Appendix at the end of this report.

The data I used included all children born to a national representative sample of American women born between 1958 and 1965. These same women had been surveyed repeatedly since 1979, and their children had been surveyed since 1988. Forty-seven percent of these mothers in my sample had been divorced by 2002. I used a 28-item checklist to measure behavior problems for children between 4 and 15 years of age. Mothers in each of the biennial survey filled out a questionnaire about whether their child engaged in behaviors such as cheating, deliberately breaking things, crying or arguing frequently and so forth. The mother of an average boy reported 8.7 items and the mother of an average girl reported 7.8 items that are often or sometimes true.

My study included a national sample of 6,332 children. It revealed that the estimated effect of a parental divorce on children's behavior problems is so small that fewer than half of the divorced mothers would observe a one-item increase in the 28-item BPI checklist of their child. This is not a statistically significant effect.

Why would I get this result when other carefully-constructed studies, which controlled for observed differences, found larger, and statistically significant effects of divorce? The kind of observed differences that show up in surveys may fail to catch subtle differences between families that eventually divorce and those who do not. For example, certain aspects of child temperament and behavior are associated with parental personality traits that may be hereditary. If a child has parents with difficult temperaments and divorce-prone personality traits, the child will likely exhibit greater behavior problems whether or not the parents divorce, but the child will also be exposed to a higher risk of parental divorce. Or take the fact that the resources parents are able and willing to provide for their children may vary dramatically across marriages and across divorces. If so, there may be "good" parents and "bad" parents, as well as "good" spouses and "bad" spouses. It is plausible that a "bad" spouse may well have been a "bad" parent prior to marital disruption (and may, thus, have been a factor in causing the disruption).

Disengaged or unloving parents are detrimental for children's emotional well-being and behavior. The lack of love on the part of one or both parents may increase the chance that the parents will divorce, but it may also create behavior problems in children whether or not their parents divorce. If so, we should not attribute the worse behavior of their children to the divorce itself, but to the impact of the unloving parent or parents. The point is that "bad" marriages are more likely to harm children's well-being than good ones AND more likely to lead to divorce, and a marriage can be "bad" in many unobserved ways.

I am not saying that divorce doesn't increase the behavior problems of some children, because I have focused only on the "average effect of divorce for the divorced." It is possible that the dissolution of some marriages decreases some children's behavior problems and the dissolution of others increases children's behavior problems, so that they cancel each other out, creating the zero effect that I found when I totaled the average effect of divorce. However, for this to be true, one must admit that while certain divorces harm children, others benefit them. My findings contradict the widely-accepted claim that MOST divorces increase children's behavior problems and that only a tiny minority of divorces do NOT.

It should be noted that my findings are only relevant to the kind of marriages where parents have qualities that make them likely to divorce. They should not be interpreted to imply that breaking up a randomly selected marriage in society would not lead to increased behavior problems for the children. But these findings do imply that to help children of divorce, social scientists and policy-makers should seek to understand and intervene in the processes both before and after a marriage comes apart, rather than seeking to simply prevent the divorce from occurring.

Works Cited

Aughinbaugh, A., C.R. Pierret, and D.S. Rothstein. 2005. "The Impact of Family Structure Transitions on Youth Achievement: Evidence from the Children of the NLSY79." Demography 42:447-68

Foster, EM. and A. Kalil. 2007. "Living Arrangements and Children's Development in Low-Income White, Black, and Latino Families. Child Development 78:1657-74

Li, J-C. A. 2007. "The Kids are OK: Divorce and Children's Behavior Problems." RAND Labor and Population Working Paper, WR-489. Santa Monica, CA.

Appendix: How did I get my results?

Fixed-effects modeling, which is often used by economists, also helps us to understand the complex behavior of people in families.

To understand my method, consider two children of divorced parents, where the divorces occurred when they were both age 9. Suppose we measure their behavior problems once every two years, as I in fact did with a much larger sample. Here is a stylized example to illustrate conceptually how my method and the traditional method would yield different results in assessing the impact of divorce on children's behavior problems:

Age 4 6 8 10 12 14

Kid A 7 7 7 9 9 9 (parents divorced at age 9)

Kid B 8 8 8 8 8 8 (parents divorced at age 9)

For Kid A, the effect of divorce is a 2-item increase on the behavior problem index; for Kid B, the effect is 0.

Now consider two more children whose parents are continuously married.

Age 4 6 8 10 12 14

Kid C 6 6 6 6 6 6 (parents not divorced, up to age 14+)

Kid D 4 4 4 4 4 4 (parents not divorced, up to age 14+)

The traditional estimate of the effect of divorce would take the average behavior problems of Kids A and B (which is 8), and the average of Kids C and D (which is 5), and then calculate the difference between the two averages. The difference between the kids in the divorcing group and the kids in the non divorcing group would then be 3-item increase.

The new way of looking at this is called a fixed-effects estimate. Instead of comparing the divorced kids to the kids from married families, I compare them to themselves, before and after parental divorce. I do this by averaging the pre- and post-divorce differences for Kids A (9-7=2) and B (8-8=0). Hence, the fixed-effects estimate of the effect is a 1-item increase in behavior problems, a much lower estimate of the impact of divorce.

Or consider another child, whose behavior had begun to deteriorate before the divorce (again at age 9) and continued to do so afterwards:

Age 4 6 8 10 12 14

Kid E 6 7 8 9 10 11

Notice that between age 4 and 8, prior to the divorce, the child's behavior problem went up by one every two years. Had the parents avoided the divorce, we would have expected that the child's behavior problems continued to increase at the same rate. In other words, if the trajectory of a child's behavior problems stayed its predisruption course after the divorce, we should not claim that there is any impact of divorce because that is what would have happened had the parents remained married. This example also illustrates another subtle point that even the previous fixed-effects estimate may overstate the impact of divorce if the unobserved factors operate in a way that changes the level of child well-being but does not alter the trajectory in child well-being. Consider how we calculate the fixed-effects estimate by taking the difference between the pre- and post-divorce averages: The estimated effect will be (9+10+11)/3 - (6+7+8)/3 = 10-7 = 3 under the fixed-effects specification, whereas under the "random-trends" specification controlling for dynamic selection [ugh, technical], the estimated effect is 0.

Allen Li presented more of his findings at the 11th annual conference of the Council on Contemporary Families, in a panel entitled "Should They Stay or Should They Go?" The conference, "Family Issues in Contention," was held on April 25th and 26th at the University of Illinois at Chicago.

RESPONSES AND OTHER PERSPECTIVES

INTERVENTIONS CAN HELP COUPLES AND CHILDREN
Philip A. Cowan, Professor of Psychology, Emeritus, University of California, Berkeley
pcowan@berkeley.edu, 510.643.5608

Li's paper remind us that the potential negative impact of divorce on children always has to be evaluated in light of the negative impact of distressed relationships on children of couples who stay together. Philip Cowan and Carolyn Cowan have completed three longitudinal studies that focus on couple relationships and children's development. One of the main findings of these studies is that in both married and cohabiting couples, high, unresolved conflict or relationships low in warmth and communication play a detrimental role in the development of children from ages 5-14. But for many couples, these negative patterns can be lessened. In our studies, preventive interventions for parents not showing major distress at the beginning have resulted in long-term benefits for mothers and fathers and also for the children.

A DIFFERENT SET OF FINDINGS WITH TWIN STUDIES
Robert E. Emery, Professor of Psychology, Director of the Center for Children, Families, and the Law, University of Virginia
ree@virginia.edu, 434.924.0671

Divorce does not occur at random, and Li is correct that when we take characteristics that increase the risk for divorce into account, this reduces differences in psychological adjustment when comparing children from married and divorced families. My colleagues and I have also been concerned about these "selection" effects, so we have studied thousands of twins (and their children) in several investigations to control not only for family and social background but also for genetics. Our twin design also reduces the presumed effects of divorce on children, but unlike Li's findings, differences between children from married and divorced families remain statistically significant. Of equal importance, in other research we have found that, while children from divorced families generally do not suffer from psychological *problems,* they do experience much more extensive psychological *pain,* including difficult memories and ongoing concerns about the fallout of divorce. For example, graduations and weddings can be turned into anxiety-ridden events for children whose parents are divorced and still do not get along. On an even more painful note, many young people whose parents have divorced also report doubting their fathers' love, a particularly painful experience.

WHAT HAPPENS AFTER DIVORCE ALSO COUNTS
Constance Ahrons, Professor of Sociology, Emerita, University of Southern California
constance@ahrons.com, 858.274.8943

This study adds to similar findings showing that, on average, children's behavior problems usually attributed to divorce actually pre-date the parental divorce. But the study should not be interpreted to say divorce has no effect on children as and after it occurs. Rather it shows that divorce must be understood in a broader context, by highlighting the systemic process of which the divorce is but one point in time. The findings from my Binuclear Family Study, a 20-year longitudinal study of 98 post-divorce families, clearly show that what mattered most to children was how their parents got along after the divorce. Interviews with 173 children 20 years after their parents' divorce revealed that when divorced parents were able to maintain a civil, low-conflict and sometimes cooperative relationship with one another, the children experienced no long-term problems associated with the divorce. However, when parents remained embroiled in conflict or totally disengaged from one another, their children continued to be distressed even 20 years later. We need to stop blaming "the divorce" for children's problems and start helping parents understand how their behavior before and after divorce impacts their children, and learn how they can reduce their children's stress.

USE CAUTION IN INTERPRETING THE ORIGINS OF PRE-DISRUPTION EFFECTS
Virginia Rutter, Professor of Sociology, Framingham State College
vrutter@gmail.com, 508.626.4863

The fixed effects model Li uses suggests that predisruption effects are the only factor in why some small but significant percentage of children of divorce do worse than children in continuously married families--at least through age 14. But we don't know what those predisruption effects are. Li speculates that it is personality or hereditary factors. In looking at the detailed examination of what causes marital distress that leads to divorce, it makes more sense to me to consider how complex challenges that people face in their lives--challenges that stem from the environment--may help to account for those predisruption effects. A complex series of negative life events and stresses in one's biography may make both parenting--and getting along with one's partner--more challenging. I don't think we have cause to say there is a "divorce gene" or some people who are just "bad spouses" or "bad parents": a host of sociological and psychological research helps us piece together how all the complicated details of one's biography can lead to some sad situations in divorcing families, even for parents who are doing their best.

ASSESSING THE COSTS AND BENEFITS OF DIVORCE
Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers, Professors of Business and Public Policy, The Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania
betseys@wharton.upenn.edu, 215.898.3019

In assessing the impact of divorce, disentangling causation from correlation can be a difficult, and sometimes impossible, job. For instance, we know that divorced people are more likely to drink, use drugs, have lower income, and are less happy. But did divorce cause these bad things or did these bad things in fact cause the divorce? For example, when a man is laid-off, the couple is more likely to divorce in subsequent years. Other research has shown that the happiest people are the most likely to get married, while those divorcing are less happy than the average married person. Moreover, people who divorce are actually happier a few years after the divorce compared with their happiness in the years prior to the divorce.

Li's paper argues that much research on divorce overstates its personal costs for children. On April 15, a coalition of family values groups released a report that overstated the economic costs of divorce to taxpayers by adding up the costs, while ignoring the benefits. The report estimated that divorce and unwed motherhood costs the U.S. taxpayer $112 billion per year. But the research by Ananat and Michael (2008) that they rely on actually shows that divorce helps the financial situation of almost as many women as it hurts, and among those who gain, the gains are larger than the losses among those who lose. This report counts up the costs to the taxpayer from the women who lose income, but refuses to count even a single dollar of the rise in taxes or the decrease in poverty linked to those who gained income. To assess the consequences of divorce we need to consider the benefits as well as the costs. Our research has shown that making divorce easier through the implementation of unilateral divorce laws led to a 8-16 percent decline in female suicide, roughly a 30 percent decline in domestic violence for both men and women, and a 10 percent decline in females murdered by their partners.

WHY WE NEED LONGITUDINAL STUDIES
Jennifer Glass, Professor of Sociology, University of Iowa
jennifer-glass@uiowa.edu, 319.335.3745

Dr. Li's work confirms that divorce is not a randomly occurring event among married couples, but the consequence of hard-to-measure interactions and behaviors that can impact children both before and after their parents separate. The beauty of longitudinal evidence is that it can help illuminate the cause of children's behavior problems where classic experimental evidence is impossible to obtain (an experimenter can't randomly assign couples to divorce or stay together and then watch what happens with their children's subsequent behavior).

About CCF: The Council on Contemporary Families is a non-profit, non-partisan organization dedicated to providing the press and public with the latest research and best-practice findings about American families. Our members include demographers, economists, family therapists, historians, political scientists, psychologists, social workers, sociologists, as well as other family social scientists and practitioners. Founded in 1996 and based at the University of Illinois at Chicago, the Council's mission is to enhance the national understanding of how and why contemporary families are changing, what needs and challenges they face, and how these needs can best be met.

To learn more about other briefing papers and about our annual April conferences, including complimentary press passes for journalists, contact Stephanie Coontz, CCF's Director of Research and Public Education, at coontzs@msn.com.


Thursday, February 23, 2012

Another Murder Related to Custody Proceedings


A suspect in the murder of a Redondo Beach woman was in a standoff with police in Utah Wednesday night after being sought since Wednesday morning. After a three-hour standoff, he was found dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

Redondo Beach Police were seeking Russell Scott Goldberg as a suspect in the murder of a Redondo Beach woman.

The Redondo Beach Police Department received a request Wednesday morning to check on the welfare of a female residing on the 1200 block of Agate Street.

Police found a deceased adult female at the apartment. A homicide investigation was begun. The woman was identified by Redondo Police as Margaret Ann Goldberg, 45. She was the suspect's ex-wife. The divorce was recently finalized, according to police.

Police were seeking a suspect in the case. Redondo Beach resident Russell Scott Goldberg, 49, was believed to be driving a green 2007 Saturn Vue with California license plate 6NAP316. The vehicle has a diagonal yellow sticker on its rear bumper.

Goldberg was described as a 49-year-old white male, standing 5 feet 6 inches tall and weighing 200 pounds, with brown hair and eyes.

Police believed Goldberg was armed; he has a weapon registered in his name.

Goldberg was located at about 6:15 p.m. local time in Utah, according to the Utah Highway Patrol.

UHP officers saw the Saturn after receiving a bulletin to be on the lookout for the car. Officers began following the vehicle on the northbound Interstate 15 Highway.

The Saturn did not pull over and officers began pursuing. Speeds stayed between 55 and 70 mph, according to the UHP.

The car was disabled by a spike strip in the freeway at 6:43 p.m. The car came to a stop near the city of Beaver, Utah. The driver did not surrender to officers.

The UHP said at 8 p.m. Pacific Time, a standoff continued. About 11 miles of the freeway were closed to traffic.

SWAT teams were reportedly being deployed. The suspect was still considered armed and dangerous Wednesday night.

By 9:30 p.m. Pacific Time, the suspect was found dead in the vehicle from a self-inflicted gunshot wound, according to authorities.

Earlier Wednesday he was considered a person of interest, but by 4 p.m. police said Goldberg is a suspect in the crime.

Police received the welfare-check request at 9:08 a.m. from a caller in New York.

The Redondo Beach Police Department had advised the general public not to take action if they encounter Goldberg and instead to call 911.

If anyone has information about Russell Scott Goldberg or his whereabouts contact the Redondo Beach Police Department tip line at (310) 937-6685; text (310) 339-2362, email crimetips@redondo.org, or contact the department directly at (310) 379-2477.

(Copyright ©2012 KABC-TV/DT. All Rights Reserved.)

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Single, Unwed Mothers Under Age 30 On the Rise

For Women Under 30, Most Births Occur Outside Marriage



LORAIN, Ohio — It used to be called illegitimacy. Now it is the new normal. After steadily rising for five decades, the share of children born to unmarried women has crossed a threshold: more than half of births to American women under 30 occur outside marriage.

Once largely limited to poor women and minorities, motherhood without marriage has settled deeply into middle America. The fastest growth in the last two decades has occurred among white women in their 20s who have some college education but no four-year degree, according to Child Trends, a Washington research group that analyzed government data.

Among mothers of all ages, a majority — 59 percent in 2009 — are married when they have children. But the surge of births outside marriage among younger women — nearly two-thirds of children in the United States are born to mothers under 30 — is both a symbol of the transforming family and a hint of coming generational change.

One group still largely resists the trend: college graduates, who overwhelmingly marry before having children. That is turning family structure into a new class divide, with the economic and social rewards of marriage increasingly reserved for people with the most education.

“Marriage has become a luxury good,” said Frank Furstenberg, a sociologist at the University of Pennsylvania.

The shift is affecting children’s lives. Researchers have consistently found that children born outside marriage face elevated risks of falling into poverty, failing in school or suffering emotional and behavioral problems.

The forces rearranging the family are as diverse as globalization and the pill. Liberal analysts argue that shrinking paychecks have thinned the ranks of marriageable men, while conservatives often say that the sexual revolution reduced the incentive to wed and that safety net programs discourage marriage.

Here in Lorain, a blue-collar town west of Cleveland where the decline of the married two-parent family has been especially steep, dozens of interviews with young parents suggest that both sides have a point.

Over the past generation, Lorain lost most of two steel mills, a shipyard and a Ford factory, diminishing the supply of jobs that let blue-collar workers raise middle-class families. More women went to work, making marriage less of a financial necessity for them. Living together became routine, and single motherhood lost the stigma that once sent couples rushing to the altar. Women here often describe marriage as a sign of having arrived rather than a way to get there.

Meanwhile, children happen.

Amber Strader, 27, was in an on-and-off relationship with a clerk at Sears a few years ago when she found herself pregnant. A former nursing student who now tends bar, Ms. Strader said her boyfriend was so dependent that she had to buy his cigarettes. Marrying him never entered her mind. “It was like living with another kid,” she said.

When a second child, with a new boyfriend, followed three years later — her birth control failed, she said — her boyfriend, a part-time house painter, was reluctant to wed.

Ms. Strader likes the idea of marriage; she keeps her parents’ wedding photo on her kitchen wall and says her boyfriend is a good father. But for now marriage is beyond her reach.

“I’d like to do it, but I just don’t see it happening right now,” she said. “Most of my friends say it’s just a piece of paper, and it doesn’t work out anyway.”

The recent rise in single motherhood has set off few alarms, unlike in past eras. When Daniel Patrick Moynihan, then a top Labor Department official and later a United States senator from New York, reported in 1965 that a quarter of black children were born outside marriage — and warned of a “tangle of pathology” — he set off a bitter debate.

By the mid-1990s, such figures looked quaint: a third of Americans were born outside marriage. Congress, largely blaming welfare, imposed tough restrictions. Now the figure is 41 percent — and 53 percent for children born to women under 30, according to Child Trends, which analyzed 2009 data from the National Center for Health Statistics.

Still, the issue received little attention until the publication last month of “Coming Apart,” a book by Charles Murray, a longtime critic of non-marital births.

Large racial differences remain: 73 percent of black children are born outside marriage, compared with 53 percent of Latinos and 29 percent of whites. And educational differences are growing. About 92 percent of college-educated women are married when they give birth, compared with 62 percent of women with some post-secondary schooling and 43 percent of women with a high school diploma or less, according to Child Trends.

Almost all of the rise in nonmarital births has occurred among couples living together. While in some countries such relationships endure at rates that resemble marriages, in the United States they are more than twice as likely to dissolve than marriages. In a summary of research, Pamela Smock and Fiona Rose Greenland, both of the University of Michigan, reported that two-thirds of couples living together split up by the time their child turned 10.

In Lorain as elsewhere, explanations for marital decline start with home economics: men are worth less than they used to be. Among men with some college but no degrees, earnings have fallen 8 percent in the past 30 years, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, while the earnings of their female counterparts have risen by 8 percent.

“Women used to rely on men, but we don’t need to anymore,” said Teresa Fragoso, 25, a single mother in Lorain. “We support ourselves. We support our kids.”

Fifty years ago, researchers have found, as many as a third of American marriages were precipitated by a pregnancy, with couples marrying to maintain respectability. Ms. Strader’s mother was among them.

Today, neither of Ms. Strader’s pregnancies left her thinking she should marry to avoid stigma. Like other women interviewed here, she described her children as largely unplanned, a byproduct of uncommitted relationships.

Some unwed mothers cite the failures of their parents’ marriages as reasons to wait. Brittany Kidd was 13 when her father ran off with one of her mother’s friends, plunging her mother into depression and leaving the family financially unstable.

“Our family life was pretty perfect: a nice house, two cars, a dog and a cat,” she said. “That stability just got knocked out like a window; it shattered.”

Ms. Kidd, 21, said she could not imagine marrying her son’s father, even though she loves him. “I don’t want to wind up like my mom,” she said.

Others noted that if they married, their official household income would rise, which could cost them government benefits like food stamps and child care. W. Bradford Wilcox, a sociologist at the University of Virginia, said other government policies, like no-fault divorce, signaled that “marriage is not as fundamental to society” as it once was.

Even as many Americans withdraw from marriage, researchers say, they expect more from it: emotional fulfillment as opposed merely to practical support. “Family life is no longer about playing the social role of father or husband or wife, it’s more about individual satisfaction and self-development,” said Andrew Cherlin, a sociologist at Johns Hopkins University.

Money helps explain why well-educated Americans still marry at high rates: they can offer each other more financial support, and hire others to do chores that prompt conflict. But some researchers argue that educated men have also been quicker than their blue-collar peers to give women equal authority. “They are more willing to play the partner role,” said Sara McLanahan, a Princeton sociologist.

Reviewing the academic literature, Susan L. Brown of Bowling Green State University recently found that children born to married couples, on average, “experience better education, social, cognitive and behavioral outcomes.”

Lisa Mercado, an unmarried mother in Lorain, would not be surprised by that. Between nursing classes and an all-night job at a gas station, she rarely sees her 6-year-old daughter, who is left with a rotating cast of relatives. The girl’s father has other children and rarely lends a hand.

“I want to do things with her, but I end up falling asleep,” Ms. Mercado said.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Vanessa Bryant Files for Divorce

VANESSA FILES FOR DIVORCE

Inside Edition, December 19, 2011

Was it a photo of actress Sanaa Lathan at Kobe Bryant's side at a Jay-Z and Kanye West concert last week at the Staples Center in Los Angeles that led to the end of his marriage?

Lathan and Bryant were reportedly seen flirting and dancing together in the VIP suite.

But a spokesperson for Kobe is squashing the reports, saying "There was no flirting. There's nothing there."

And Lathan denies her having an affair with Kobe, tweeing, "I'm not, never have been, involved with Kobe in any way."

Another report is linking the basketball star to yet another woman, Carla Dibello. Get this - she's Kim Kardashian's best friend! Dibello has been a fixture on the sideline at Laker games for several years.

In the divorce papers obtained by INSIDE EDITION, Kobe's wife Vanessa cites "irreconcilable differences" as the reason for the split.

They've already agreed to joint custody of their kids, Natalia and Gianna and because there's no pre-nup - the couple is expected to split everything down the middle.

Family Law Attorney, Kelly Chang Rickert, told INSIDE EDITION "He is going to have to pay alimony, which is a monthly obligation based on earnings. But whatever he earned during the marriage, any rights that he acquired, all endorsements can also be half of Vanessa's."

Kobe is worth an estimated $140 million - so that's $70 million each. Vanessa keeps their $5 million Los Angeles mansion. And she also gets that $4 million so called make-up ring that Kobe famously bought her after he was accused of sexually assaulting a hotel concierge in Colorado in 2003. Kobe was acquitted at trial.

It was Kobe's alleged serial cheating that ended the marriage. A close friend of Vanessa's quoted as saying:

"She's been dealing with these incidents for a long time and has been a faithful wife, but she's finally had enough."

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Yet another Murder-Suicide Caused by Divorce


50 YEAR OLD MAN BEATS WIFE TO DEATH, SHOOTS TWO CHILDREN, COMMITS SUICIDE - WHILE DIVORCE WAS PENDING









Not even a week after the Seal Beach shootings (the murderer was involved in custody battle with ex-wife), comes another tragedy in Westchester, NY. Sam Friedlander (age 50), in the midst of divorce proceedings, beat his wife Amy (age 46) to death with a piece of furniture - a table leg. Sam then shot his two children (ages 10 and 8) to death, before he shot himself to death in his basement.

There are rumors about Amy being verbally abusive, emasculating Sam, for several years leading up to the tragedy. Sam was known to be a peaceful, no one could ever have predicted this.

Why does this happen? For an insightful article, see Why Do We Hurt the Ones we Love, by my dear friend Diana Mercer.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Custody Battle and Its Victims


HUNTINGTON BEACH – Neighbors of a house searched late Wednesday in connection with the deadliest shooting in Orange County history said one thing stood out about the man who lives there: His total devotion to his son.

Police identified Scott Dekraai as their suspect in the midday shooting at a Seal Beach beauty salon that left eight people dead; he was being held on suspicion of murder. Court records show he has been fighting his ex-wife – who colleagues said worked at the salon – for custody of their son since 2007.

They were in court together Tuesday, the day before the shooting, for a routine hearing, records show. His ex-wife's attorney said Dekraai had been seeking full custody of their son, but a court-ordered report issued last week had recommended against that.

"His demeanor was always very controlled, almost serene," attorney John Cate Jr. said. "In my dealings with him, I never saw him get upset, get agitated." He described Dekraai as "monotone."

Cate said he believes his client was one of the first killed in the mass shooting at Salon Meritage on a busy Wednesday afternoon. Police have not released a list of the victims, and the Register is not naming the ex-wife without official confirmation.

Dekraai, who turns 42 next week, had worked for some time as a tugboat operator. He badly injured his leg in 2007 when he rushed to help another crew member after a tow line snapped, according to a Register report at the time.

His next-door neighbor, Stephanie Machow, 29, said he sometimes grumbled about his ex-wife, saying their divorce case began shortly after his leg injury. Machow waved to him Wednesday morning as she left for work, and assumed he was returning home after dropping off his son at school.

"Never could I imagine him doing this," she said. "I thought he was the nicest guy ever. ... The only reason I could imagine him flipping out is because of some kind of argument over his son. He was everything to Scott."

Several neighbors identified a photo of the suspect as the man they knew as Scott.

Dekraai lived in a single-story gray house on Melody Lane in Huntington Beach, which police blocked off with yellow tape Wednesday evening. Neighbors said they often saw Scott walking his white Lab or playing baseball with his son.

Jake Rennison, 17, said Scott once asked him to teach his son to skateboard. Jake said he taught the boy how to kick flip. "He was totally devoted to his son. Totally," Jake said. "I can't believe this happened. The only thing I can imagine is with the custody battle. His son was his life."

Dekraai married the woman who is now his ex-wife in Clark County, Nev., in early 2003, records show. He filed for divorce in Los Angeles County in 2007, a month after his tugboat accident, court records show.

His attorney at the time, Don Eisenberg, said Dekraai gave him "no reason to suspect a thing." Another attorney has since taken the case, and Eisenberg said he hasn't heard from Dekraai since 2009.

"I know they had a difficult relationship," he said of Dekraai and his ex-wife. "But that's nothing that would foreshadow a tragedy life this."

–Register staff writer Ron Campbell contributed to this report.

Contact the writer: 714-704-3777 or dirving@ocregister.com